


Shot Through My Heart

by FandomRelated



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11074902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomRelated/pseuds/FandomRelated
Summary: Young Magnus just graduated from his high school and while all of his non-existing friends are choosing their college roommates, Magnus doesn't know, what to do. Suddenly a sign is falling on him and Magnus finds himself in the army, under control of Sir Lightwood.





	1. Prologue

Blue and red flags decorated the football field, which was used as a ceremony field today.

The weather was good, sunny, not long ago it was a rainy storm in Brooklyn, which left some civilians shocked, but they all built themselves up.

A man, long time ago maybe called young, but today very old, stepped up the stairs to the stge and went to the podium.

He adjusted the microphone and cleared his throat.

With a look to his cards, which were written unclear, he began to talk.

“Good morning, students of the Local Institute of High School. I'm also greeting their parents and siblings.”

A young, good looking, Asian student looked to his one-year-younger adoptive sister, who was sitting next to him. They both smiled, as Maia laid her hand on the student's shoulder.

The man on the stage began to look to the crowd and tried to smile, not a good action for a man, who looked miserable all the time.

“Today marks the day, a whole year of successful students find their way from the high school into a life, where they go their own way. Today marks the day the girls and boys, that are sitting here, become honorable woman and men. Today marks the day, our teachers have to say 'goodbye' to a year full of young and adaptive students.”

It was obvious, that this speech wasn't held the first time. And it was very obvious that this speech was a big and fat lie.

“I bet Mrs. Morgenstern is happy, that we will never come back in her class.”, a student in the front row laughed together with his best friend. Their parents tried to shush them but it didn't help.

Magnus, the Asian student, began to laugh about how the experience of 12 years school made him stronger but he still doesn't know how to do a tax computation. But he was happy he would be gone from the school.

“We aren't just releasing student's out in the world. We release the people we helped, the people we built into the world. Not a single student sitting here, would be released without a doubt.

We are happy, that we got a year full of good people to teach.”

The crowd applaud, except Magnus. _It isn't your work, who I am,_ he thought. _It isn't your work that I got a GPA from 4.0. It is just my work._

Still Magnus let the head teacher talk.

“I am going to read the names of the student's that graduated now. I am begging for a big applause for each and one of them.”

A young assistant handed two sheets of paper to the man and the head teacher began to read all of the names.

Magnus and his family applaud to every student. “Magnus Bane-Garroway.”, the man read and as the crowd applaud and his sister whistled for him, he felt happy and loved, maybe the first time in a long time, but he felt it.

“I am so proud.”, his adoptive mother Jocelyn said and smiled to him.

Magnus smiled back, more because he was nice, not because he was happy. He felt, kind of empty, even though this party should let him feel good.

 

Time passed by, the crowd cleared itself, leaving just a few people there.

“Magnus!”, Camille screamed, as she hurried to her boyfriend and kissed him right on his lips. “Wow, C! Calm yourself.”, he laughed and hugged her. The hug last longer then a normal hug, it felt weird.

“I love you, so much, Magnus.”, Camille whispered in his ear. Magnus knew something was wrong, Camille wasn't the girl to shout out her love, to be real. He cut off the hug.

“Cam, what's wrong?”, he asked. “Magnus, we have to talk. Can I come around today?”, she asked and smiled.

The young athlete just nodded and was left by his girlfriend.

 _She is breaking up._ , a little voice inside him said. He couldn't deny he had that feeling. He couldn't deny that this would break his heart. But he couldn't do anything against it.

“Magnus!”, a voice pushed him out of his thoughts, as he looked to Catarina, an old friend of him.

She walked up to him, her hair, as always in a strict ponytail. “How have you been doing?”, she asked, as she laid her hand on his shoulder, showing a subtle sign of sympathy.

“Haven't I told you, to not ask me this question?”, Magnus asked annoyed. He had no clue, how he has been. He had no clue how he felt.

Catarina cleared her throat. “Sorry, are you alive?”, Catarina asked and laid herself in her hip. “I am, Catarina. I am alive and that is a good situation.” Catarina smiled.

“How many times do I have to tell you to not call me by my first name, but more by Mrs. Wardom, Magnus?”, she laughed and Magnus smiled, because he did find it funny.

Catarina was the advice teacher of the school and also a therapist. Magnus had spent many days in her office, leaving both of them as friends.

Catarina looked from Magnus to Maia, who was walking up to them. “Your sister is coming.”, Catarina said and Magnus looked to Maia, showing her to stay where she was.

He looked back at Catarina. “Have you had the dreams again?”, Catarina asked concerned.

Magnus shook his head. “And the thoughts? How is it with those?” “They got less. I am alive, Catarina. I am here and that is what counts.” - after a little pause - “Thank you for everything.”, he said and hugged the teacher.

She has done so much for him, more than anyone ever before. As the cut off the hug, Magnus turned round and walked away. “What are going to do now?”, Catarina asked. “Survive.”, Magnus whispered to himself, he knew Catarina heard it, he didn't want it to shout out.

It was something between him and himself. As he reached Maia, they both walked arm in arm to their parent's car.

“I love you, big brother!”, she said and smiled. Magnus smiled back, not even lying. Smiling as he meant it.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some changes for Magnus and a decision that needs to be made.

“Who was that?”, Maia asked, as she walked together with Magnus in his room.  
Magnus took off the jacket of his suit, he wore for the ceremony. His father forced him to wear the suit, because 'it is the most important event in your whole life'. He could hear him say it.  
“Who do you mean?”, Magnus asked and walked up to his bed to take off his shoes. He watched how Maia sat herself down on the chair ins front of him and took out her phone.  
She said: “The woman you talked with. You know?”  
Magnus nodded, breathed through and answered:” That was Catarina, our school therapist. I began to talk to her a yer ago.”  
Maia, shocked, put the phone back in her pocket, stood up and walked to her brother. A huge and soft hug followed by a shoulder claps procceded. “Are the dreams back?”, she asked and sat herself next to him. Maia knew about the dreams her brother had, since he was a little boy. Although she was the younger sister, she promised to never let her brother be harmed. When in one night, she heard how Magnus screamed in his sleep, she went to him and comforted him. They talked the whole night about the dream and later on about what was going on with Magnus. He changed his hair-style, he didn't even socialised. Maia was there for him, she became his anchor.  
“No. None of them. I talked with her when I had the dreams. But I'm okay, Maia.”, he wanted to say more but Maia's hug refused him to do. He was happy to have her.

“Magnus! Camille is here!”, Luke, Magnus' father shouted from downstairs, as Magnus looked in the mirrror to fix his hair. A year ago he changed from black to blakc with purple highlights, it was a style he loved, despite everyone else.  
“Cam.”, he said, as he saw his girlfriend and kissed her.  
Camille, normally into the kiss, just stood there with her mouth opened. Soon enough Magnus quit the kiss.  
He went with his girlfriend to the bed and they both sat down.  
Camille breathed, smiled and looked to the guy next to her.  
“Magnus, I love you -”  
“I love you too, Cam.”, he said but Camilee signalised hi that he shut up.  
“I love you, I really do, my dear. But the high school is over. We both developed as persons and I think our trains aren't driving the same railway.”  
“Yes, because if they would they would crash.”, Magnus laughed and laid his hand on Camille's knee.  
Camille giggled, letting out a tear.  
“But we can't go two ways, without forgetting each other. Magnus, I got a scholarship for the law university in Dublin. I can go and study law. But you are sitting here, lots of scholarships to use, but you don't want any of them and I can't have a relationship wth a man without future plans.” 

They both looked at each other, Camille with a sad eye, Magnus with two.  
He loved Camille, he always did.  
They were together since the seventh grade, nobody expected it would last so long, everybody knew it would go downhill soon.  
But, now? Right after the graduation? An empty hole began to develop in Magnus.

“Go, please.”, Magnus said gently. Camille looked confused.  
“Magnus, we can still be friends.” He laughed. “That's like, here your cat is dead but you can still have it. Leave my house now please.”  
He didn't look up, as his ex-girlfriend left the room and closed the door behind her.  
As soon as he heard the house door falling into the lock, he grabbed the nearest thing to him and threw it to the wall.  
He heard the crack of the iPod and he didn't even cared in the slightest way.

“I'm going out.”, Magnus said.  
As he threw on his jacket and walked besides the dining room.  
“But, Magnus, my dear. I cooked steak for you. You know, the one you love so much.” Magnus packed in bustling the car keys and a scarf.  
“I am a vegetarian suddenly.”, he said without showing any sign of sarcasm to Jocelyn.  
Then the young man went out the door and hurried into the family car. He started it and with no further direction or goals he began to drive. 

He drove through the city, passing the big shining lights, passing the crowd of human individuals, passing the people he once called 'friends'.  
About half an hour he reached the goal he wanted to reach in his mind. 'Big Benjy'.  
It was a gigantic hill, just a bit too small to be called mountain.  
All the kids called it that, because it is said, if you look from far away, the face of Benjamin Franklin pops up.  
Magnus didn't care, he just put the car on the parking lot, which consisted of brown and flat-driven grass and walked up the path to a platform.  
He was high above the city and could see his neighborhood.  
Magnus always came across this place, if he needed time to breathe and think.  
“Don't be alone with your thoughts.”, Catarina always said.

“Okay.”, Magnus called out loud.  
“If I talk, I am not alone with my thoughts. So, God or Allah or whoever or whatever is deciding about humanity and about who will be treated nice and who will be treated as a trash can, listen good. I really don't know what to do or where to go. I don't want to study, I had have twelve years of school, why on earth would I suffer under that again? I know, it's a great opportunity and I also know it could help me building up my future.”  
Silence, Magnus didn't know how to discuss with the guy up above there. “Give me a sign, what I should do. You got 24 hours to go, dude! Or ma'am, I am open for anything”, he shouted, as he stood up and a little rock fell down the platform and landed deep down.  
Magnus looked up to the sky. “I don't think this rock was a sign, man.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To find his purpose, Magnus comes to talk with his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like the chapter.  
> Don't forget to follow me on twitter: @matthewsmalec

“Got any plans for the summer holidays, sweetie?”, Jocelyn asked as she put orange juice in the blender and looked out for spinach.  
Magnus sat at the table, halfhearted sticking his spoon in his cereal bowl.   
It was a long night for him, he couldn't sleep very well.   
Everything was in his mind and yet he felt empty.   
While he thought about high school, graduation, Camille and the sign, he drew a picture of his own.  
The young man looked from the cereal bowl to his adoptive mom and smiled forced. “I am just gonna chill out at most of the time. Probably looking for a job.”  
The red haired woman put the smoothie she just made in a glass and walked to the table so she could eat her breakfast.   
“You know, there are summer camps from a university, where they test you and you maybe get a scholarship.”  
Magnus put the spoon in his bowl and stood up.   
“I know you want a scholarship for me, Mom. But I -”, he stopped as he saw his dad sitting in the garage working on his old truck.   
“I am going to dad and help him with the truck.”   
Then he rushed out of the room leaving his mother with an open mouth sitting.

“Hey, Dad.”  
Luke's head came up from under the car and he looked to his son with a smile on his lips.   
Like always, Luke just was happy. Not 'happy but', not 'maybe happy'. He was happy all the time.  
“What's up, buddy?” he said as he came up from under the car, threw a towel on his shoulder and leaned on the car.   
Magnus thought about what he really wanted to do here by his father.   
He couldn't repair a car, he couldn't even say which brand this car was from, if it wasn't written in bold letters on the front.   
“Nothing, just... stuff.”, Magnus said and slightly touched the car. It was the old truck, his father had since he was in Magnus' age.   
Surely no wonder, why he needed much repair.

Luke, still with a smile in his eyes look confused to his son.   
“There is something you want to tell me, isn't there?” Magnus' father walked around the car to give his son a huge hug, a solution that always worked.   
Magnus didn't want to be touched.   
He didn't want to tear up halfway through the hug, just because he didn't know what he wants to do.   
He needed to find another topic.

“Have you heard lately something from Clary?”, Magnus knew that talking about his daughter would let Luke think about anything else.   
Luke began to smile again.   
“Yeah, I did. She now is a leader of a group of recruits to lead them through their first played mission.”   
Magnus nodded, as he would be interested. No, Magnus nodded because he was interested.   
“What is she doing again? I mean, how did she came to do that?”   
Luke smiled bigger and leaned with his butt against the truck.   
The position he always had, when he wanted to tell a story.   
“Your sister Clary was always interested in military, since she was a little girl. Other girls played with dolls, Clary always played with my old military figures, you know like the one's in 'Toy Story'”   
Magnus didn't knew.   
“Well, and when she got older and graduation began to get a topic, she thought about her future a lot and in the end she decided to go to the army.” Luke sighed a bit, it was always hard for him, when he thought about his daughter being away.   
“The first weeks were pretty bad for her, she wrote us loads of letters, where she seemed, like she couldn't handle the training.” Magnus scratched the back of his head and tried not to hint, that he didn't liked his sister very much.   
There's always been this 'I am the original child' argument. But poorly something deep inside Magnus was interested in Clary and her story.   
Luke stopped fast and looked to his son.   
“Why are you asking?”, he wanted to know, as he walked to Magnus, wanting to either put his hands on his shoulder or trying again to give him a big hug.   
Magnus stepped away, smiled dorky and answered: “Just, because I was bored. Err... I gotta go, Dad.”

The young man stepped inside, wanting to sneak in his room again and maybe just live there for years, he would've just need, clothes, a toilet, food and enough water – and a working WiFi-Connection.   
But that sentence wasn't made with his mother.   
“Magnus.”, Jocelyn said, as she heard the young man on the stairs.   
“Magnus.” He overheard his adoptive mother.   
“Magnus Adrian Bane-Garroway!” Magnus stopped on the stairs and with a big moan he went back into the kitchen, where Jocelyn stood with two brochures in her hand.  
“What?”, he asked angrily and annoyed. Jocelyn just handed him two brochures. Magnus looked for a little while but didn't understand.  
“Those are brochures about a free social year and a summer camp, where you teach kids to train themselves. You either attend one of these or you will be doing a summer job at Old Hodge's train station, where you have to pick up the homeless' cigarettes!”   
Jocelyn got louder and louder, she nearly broke the glass in her hand.   
She couldn't think about having a non-successful son. Magnus, not even in rage, looked to Jocelyn and slowly said: “No.”

“What?” “No.”

“What do you mean, by 'No.'?” Magnus threw the brochures away. “I mean, that I don't play your game, Jocelyn. I know what I'll do.”, he said, went out of the house with the car keys and got into their second car.   
“Hey, buddy, where are you going to?”, Luke asked, as Magnus started the engine. “Somewhere.”, he answered and the car rushed away.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a few weeks, since Magnus left home and he can finally writes his sister.

Hello Wolfie,

I know, you don't like, when I name you that, but I address you always as Wolfie, it seems to be a very nice code name, you should consider it as nickname.  
I am sorry, If I talk non-sense today, but I have been so exhausted lately.   
No, before you get the idea, don't come to my location, my captain would be confused, I think he doesn't even know who I am, but later more of that.  
So, how are you, Maia? I really have missed you, especially in the last few weeks.  
It's been a few tough weeks here in Fort Monium, because now, we are in the 12th week of the army, it's no toddler-time anymore, more likely 'time-to-pay-taxes-time'.  
But there has been a sunshine in the few weeks. I have made a good friend , his name is Ragnor Fell, he is from Brooklyn but more from the outside.   
He has been so funny from the beginning, he is the clown. He is so adorable, like speaking constantly about happy times back home. He makes us miss home a lot, but we deal with that by laughing at his jokes.   
I, like everyone, already got sorted into teams, we will train with and if a mission would be made, we would be with them. Mine is “Iron Decidos”, and I am definitely okay with all of them.   
Our leader is a man called Lightwood. He seems very interesting, although he is very strict and he only lets us speak when we hold up our hand, it's like we are back in school.   
And to clear your question: Yes, we all call us by our last names, such a cliché, right?.   
I know this may sound hard, mostly for you, but I have to tell it, because it really stressed me. When I checked in to the military, I have wrote 'Magnus Adrian Bane' not Bane-Garroway. I am so sorry, Maia, I hope you understand that this is what I needed to do, otherwise I couldn't stay here. 

So, as I said my team is made up from the leader Lightwood, also we have a woman called Branwell, she is very nice and sweet and she will totally be my best friend.   
Then we got Aldertree, a good and nice man, but he really sticks to the rules and even if we find a more better way for situations, like at training, he gives us long speeches, about that this is not right.   
Fell and also Sauchey. Sauchey, a really nice man, he is always calm and even in crisis situation he is more likely to drink tea, then to freak out. He is the calm soul in our team and sometimes I am happy we have him.

The first few weeks been pretty nice. We got to know each other better and better and from what I've seen, we seriously got the best team. We got sorted into 'bunkers', as we called them. Just a room for the whole team, except Sir Lightwood, where we can sleep, have toilets and also a little room, which was mostly used for a broom and cleaning things, but we use them as a little family-wall. 

We got pictures of what reminds us of home hanging there, I also pinned a photo of you and Dad on there and the little piece of paper, where you wrote 'Maia is better than Magnus' on, years ago.   
It's like a little holiday, every time we go there and just look at our family. I really miss you guys. 

The last few weeks, in a big contrast, have been very ( I mean very very) hard. We had additional training, plus every second day some training mission we were obligated to. First it was like solving packing problems. But yesterday we had a mission, I nearly passed out. We were waling through a field of dead rats and birds. We had our normal army clothes on and had to walk through the corridor, without throwing up or passing out,.

THE SMELL, Maia you cant imagine how bad it smelled there. But gladly the whole team passed this mission and we all threw up after it. 

Yeah, that's what has been going on in the army lately. I am missing all of you, especially our Saturday nights movie nights. Camp Rock, would've been. I am sorry, but when I return I will watch with you every movie you want (except “Hachiko”, don't wanna cry for three days again). But I am happy I joined the military. It makes me feel like, the first time in my life I have achieved something. It makes me stronger and fulfills me a little bit. Also yesterday we had a campfire and I burned a photo of Camille, that girl is not mine anymore. I mean she never was mine, but... you know what I mean.

I'm sorry, but I need to finish this letter now, it will be lunch time in a few minutes. But please write back. How are you and Dad? Does Catarina knows I am here? Please write everything down I miss, except that I miss you, because I already know that and I love you so much, Maia.

I love you all heart,   
Magnus.


End file.
